i still hold the pen

First Snow

2008-11-18T16:10:00.003-05:00

I am a child - I skip and giggle every year upon first snow. And right now I am in a beautiful place, watching the big white puffs lazily float down to tickle the ferns before landing in the out-of-season courtyard.

Ah! Beautiful.

E Pluribus Unum

2008-11-05T01:02:00.001-05:00

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am proud to be an American!!

More tomorrow!!

NFL Week Nine - The Results

2008-11-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

NYJ 26 @ BUF 17: J- NYJ; L- BUF; M- BUF
DET 23 @ CHI 27: J- CHI; L- CHI; M- CHI
JAC 19 @ CIN 21: J- JAC; L- CIN; M- JAC
BAL 37 @ CLE 27: J- CLE; L- BAL; M- CLE
TB 30 @ KC 27: J- TB; L- TB; M- TB
HOU 21 @ MIN 28: J- HOU; L- MIN; M- MIN
ARI 34 @ STL 13: J- STL; L- ARI; M- STL
GB 16 @ TEN 19: J- GB; L- TEN; M- TEN
MIA 26 @ DEN 17: J- MIA; L- DEN; M- MIA
DAL 14 @ NYG 35: J- NYG, L- NYG; M- NYG
ATL 24 @ OAK 0: J- OAK; L- ATL; M- ATL
PHI 26 @ SEA 7: J- SEA; L- PHI; M- PHI
SNF: NE 15 @ IND 18: J- NE; L- IND; M- NE
MNF: PIT 23 @ WAS 6: J- PIT; L- PIT; M- PIT

Daddy: 6-8

Lauren: 12-2

Mark: 9-5

NFL Week Nine

2008-11-02T11:58:00.002-05:00

What a week! Welcome to November, and hello from Northern Virginia. I'm home visiting Mom and Dad this weekend, which I must say is very nice: Not only am I with my family, but I ate Chipotle, cuddled with Cookie, and I even saw an old friend! And DST ended, so we gained an hour of sleep! Anyway, this isn't meant to serve as an update, so let's get to this week's picks... Dad's in on this week, too (Initial J).

NYJ (4-3) @ BUF (5-2): J- NYJ; L- BUF; M- BUF
DET (0-7) @ CHI (4-3): J- CHI; L- CHI; M- CHI
JAC (3-4) @ CIN (0-8): J- JAC; L- CIN; M- JAC
BAL (4-3) @ CLE (3-4): J- CLE; L- BAL; M- CLE
TB (5-3) @ KC (1-6): J- TB; L- TB; M- TB
HOU (3-4) @ MIN (3-4) J- HOU; L- MIN; M- MIN
ARI (4-3) @ STL (2-5) J- STL; L- ARI; M- STL
GB (4-3) @ TEN (7-0) J- GB; L- TEN; M- TEN
MIA (3-4) @ DEN (4-3) J- MIA; L- DEN; M- MIA
DAL (6-2) @ NYG (6-1) J- NYG, L- NYG; M- NYG
(Also note that Wes' friend Mike made me a beer bet on this game.)
ATL (4-3) @ OAK (2-5) J- OAK; L- ATL; M- ATL
PHI (4-3) @ SEA (2-5) J- SEA; L- PHI; M- PHI

SNF: NE (5-2) @ IND (3-4) J- NE; L- IND; M- NE

MNF: PIT (5-2) @ WAS (6-2) J- PIT; L- PIT; M- PIT

Byes this week: CAR (5-2), NO (4-4), SD (3-5), SF (2-6).

Round and round and round it goes... where it stops...

2008-10-29T15:03:00.001-04:00

Auto Response :
I am not understanding why the heat chooses to do one of these things:
A. smells like gas
B. doesn't turn on
C. blows cold air

WHAT WILL IT DO NEXT!?!?!

mark: it will do E. an invigorating cha-cha to Carlos Santana's "Smooth"
mark: what's D, who knows?!

NFL Week Eight - The Results

2008-10-28T06:00:00.001-04:00

ATL (4-2) @ PHI (3-3): I ATL; L PHI; M PHI
WAS (5-2) @ DET (0-6): I WAS; L WAS; M WAS
ARI (4-2) @ CAR (5-2): I CAR; L ARI; M CAR
BUF (5-1) @ MIA (2-4): I BUF; L MIA; M MIA
SD (3-4) @ NO (3-4): I SD; L SD; M SD
TB (5-2) @ DAL (4-3): I TB; L TB; M TB
OAK (2-4) @ BAL (3-3): I BAL; L BAL; M BAL
STL (2-4) @ NE (4-2): I STL; L NE; M NE
KC (1-5) @ NYJ (3-3): I KC; L NYJ; M NYJ
CLE (2-4) @ JAC (3-3): I CLE; L CLE; M JAC
CIN (0-7) @ HOU (2-4): I HOU; L HOU; M HOU
SEA (1-5) @ SF (2-5): I SEA; L SEA; M SF
NYG (5-1) @ PIT (5-1): I PIT; L NYG; M NYG
IND (3-3) @ TEN (6-0): I IND; L TEN; M IND

Izzy: 6-8
Lauren: 11-3
Mark: 9-5

NFL Week Eight

2008-10-26T11:53:00.002-04:00

My goodness, week eight already!! This week my Uncle Izzy decided to throw in his picks, so here we go:

ATL (4-2) @ PHI (3-3): I ATL; L PHI; M PHI
WAS (5-2) @ DET (0-6): I WAS; L WAS; M WAS
ARI (4-2) @ CAR (5-2): I CAR; L ARI; M CAR
BUF (5-1) @ MIA (2-4): I BUF; L MIA; M MIA
SD (3-4) @ NO (3-4): I SD; L SD; M SD
TB (5-2) @ DAL (4-3): I TB; L TB; M TB
OAK (2-4) @ BAL (3-3): I BAL; L BAL; M BAL
STL (2-4) @ NE (4-2): I STL; L NE; M NE
KC (1-5) @ NYJ (3-3): I KC; L NYJ; M NYJ
CLE (2-4) @ JAC (3-3): I CLE; L CLE; M JAC
CIN (0-7) @ HOU (2-4): I HOU; L HOU; M HOU
SEA (1-5) @ SF (2-5): I SEA; L SEA; M SF
NYG (5-1) @ PIT (5-1): I PIT; L NYG; M NYG
IND (3-3) @ TEN (6-0): I IND; L TEN; M IND

Byes this week are CHI (4-3), DEN (4-3), GB (4-3) and MIN (3-4).

NFL Week Seven - The Results

2008-10-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

SD (3-3) @ BUF (4-1): L - BUF; M - SD
NO (3-3) @ CAR (4-2): L - NO; M - CAR
MIN (3-3) @ CHI (3-3): L - CHI; M - CHI
PIT (4-1) @ CIN (0-6): L - PIT; M - PIT
TEN (5-0) @ KC (1-4): L - TEN; M - TEN
BAL (2-3) @ MIA (2-3): L - BAL; M - MIA
SF (2-4) @ NYG (4-1): L - NYG; M - NYG
DAL (4-2) @ STL (1-4): L - DAL; M - DAL
DET (0-5) @ HOU (1-4): L - HOU; M - HOU
IND (3-2) @ GB (3-3): L - GB; M - IND
NYJ (3-2) @ OAK (1-4): L - NYJ; M - NYJ
CLE (2-3) @ WAS (4-2): L - WAS; M - WAS
SNF: SEA (1-4) @ TB (4-2): L - TB; M - TB
MNF: DEN (4-2) @ NE (3-2): L - DEN; M - NE

Lauren - 10 - 4
Mark - 9 - 5

NFL Week Seven

2008-10-19T12:21:00.003-04:00

This is huge.

2008-10-18T19:00:00.003-04:00

From: poetry@newyorker.com
To: mckennawrites@gmail.com
Date: October 18, 2008
Subject: Poetry Submission

Thank you for submitting your work to The New Yorker poetry department. Owing to the large volume of submissions, we request that no more than six poems be submitted at one time. We prefer to receive no more than two submissions per writer per year, and generally cannot reply to more. Due to the number of queries we receive, it may take us up to three months to respond to your submission.

Thank you for your interest in The New Yorker.

Came upon this in the strangest place...

2008-10-15T14:47:00.000-04:00

All of us who are concerned for peace and triumph of reason and justice must be keenly aware how small an influence reason and honest good will exert upon events in the political field.

~Albert Einstein

A Google Girl

2008-10-15T11:08:00.006-04:00

I realised this morning something for which I am thankful.
I really don't know what I would do without Google, and without Firefox, for that matter. I had to download Firefox onto my Mom's computer, just so that I wouldn't stare at the screen blankly, helplessly wondering what to do without the search box, without tabbing, without iGoogle.

Google has given me:
Gmail, which has completely redefined the way I email
Calendar, which has organized my life (as much as it can be...)
Maps, which get me everywhere I need to be, tell me about what to do in areas, and allow me to stalk people whose addresses I know ;)
an automatic Blogger account!
and, my favourite to date... GOOGLE READER, which has in one way or another led me to the following awesome websites:

FILE Magazine (specifically The Collection)
Sam Javanrouh's photoblog
Nick Campbell's photoblog
Kathleen Connally's photoblog
Helsinki Looks
Feministing
Photojojo
mylalaland (specifically HELLO)
TAKE PRIDE
Main Street Journal
Photo Life of Q.
The American Prospect

Also, here are the websites of some of my friends. (I do this not only because I love them, but also because I think they are ridiculously talented!)

I will post more awesome sites up at at later date. This is all for now... homework and studying to do! (Yay, finals.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Other News (happenings while typing...)

I'm watching the Sarah Palin speech from Dover, NH, and wishing it wasn't 11 AM and a school day, otherwise I'd be drunk from all the mentions of "Alaska" "maverick" and words with the "g" left off.
I'm a girl who likes to watch ESPN while I'm doing homework - it provides just the right amount of background noise, and information at the same time! But today I'm sick of it. I don't want to hear about the damn Cowboys anymore! Jeez!
Regarding above... changed the channel to CNN... oh, mistake... now where are my The West Wing DVDs?

NFL Week Six - Results

2008-10-15T06:00:00.000-04:00

THIS IS WHY I LOVE FOOTBALL!

CHI (3-2) @ATL (3-2): L - ATL; M - CHI
MIA (2-2) @ HOU (0-4): L - MIA; M - MIA
BAL (2-2) @ IND (2-2): L - BAL; M - IND
STL (0-4) @ WAS (4-1): L- WAS; M - WAS
DET (0-4) @ MIN (2-3): L - MIN; M - MIN
OAK (1-3) @ NO (2-3): L - NO; M - NO
CIN (0-5) @ NYJ (2-2): L - NYJ; M - NYJ
CAR (4-1) @ TB (3-2): L - TB; M - CAR
JAC (2-3) @ DEN (4-1): L - JAC; M - DEN
DAL (4-1) @ ARI (3-2): L - DAL; M - DAL
PHI (2-3) @ SF (2-3): L - SF; M - PHI
GB (2-3) @ SEA (1-3): L - GB; M - GB
NE (3-1) @ SD (2-3): L - SD; M - SD

MNF: NYG (4-0) @ CLE (1-3): L - NYG; M - NYG

Sniffle... sniffle... sniffle :(

L - 8-6
M - 7-7

Sunday Night

2008-10-12T20:40:00.003-04:00

Jealousy, sniping comments, annoyance, no communication, ignorance, disrespect...

NFL Week Six

2008-10-11T22:42:00.004-04:00

I can't believe it's Week Six already! Got the weekend off to a good start with my very first college football game: Maine at Delaware! Go Blue Hens! But... they lost. (Badly.) The final score was 27-10, and I'm proud to say that I stayed for the whole thing :D

Getting down to business: The byes this week are BUF (4-1), KC (1-4), PIT (4-1), and TEN (5-0).
Here's this week's picks:
CHI (3-2) @ATL (3-2): L - ATL; M - CHI
MIA (2-2) @ HOU (0-4): L - MIA; M - MIA
BAL (2-2) @ IND (2-2): L - BAL; M - IND
STL (0-4) @ WAS (4-1): L- WAS; M - WAS
DET (0-4) @ MIN (2-3): L - MIN; M - MIN
OAK (1-3) @ NO (2-3): L - NO; M - NO
CIN (0-5) @ NYJ (2-2): L - NYJ; M - NYJ
CAR (4-1) @ TB (3-2): L - TB; M - CAR
JAC (2-3) @ DEN (4-1): L - JAC; M - DEN
DAL (4-1) @ ARI (3-2): L - DAL; M - DAL
PHI (2-3) @ SF (2-3): L - SF; M - PHI
GB (2-3) @ SEA (1-3): L - GB; M - GB
NE (3-1) @ SD (2-3): L - SD; M - SD

MNF: NYG (4-0) @ CLE (1-3): L - NYG; M - NYG

NFL Week Five - The Results

2008-10-06T00:00:00.000-04:00

Sunday games...
TEN (4-0) @ BAL (2-1): L - BAL; M - TEN
KC (1-3) @ CAR (3-1): L - CAR; M - CAR
CHI (2-2) @ DET (0-3): L - DET; M - CHI
ATL (2-2) @ GB (2-2): L - GB; M - GB
IND (1-2) @ HOU (0-3): L - IND; M - IND
SD (2-2) @ MIA (1-2): L - MIA; M - SD
SEA (1-2) @ NYG (3-0): L - NYG; M - NYG
WAS (3-1) @ PHI (2-2): L - PHI; M - PHI
TB (3-1) @ DEN (3-1): L - DEN; M - DEN
BUF (4-0) @ ARI (2-2): L - ARI; M - BUF
CIN (0-4) @ DAL (3-1): L - DAL; M - DAL
NE (2-1) @ SF (2-2): L - SF; M - NE
PIT (3-1) @ JAC (2-2): L - JAC; M - PIT

Monday Night Football...
MIN (1-3) @ NO (2-2): L - MIN; M -NO

L - 8-6 ; M - 9-5

NFL Week Five

2008-10-05T11:14:00.004-04:00

My Patriotic Duty

2008-10-02T22:26:00.002-04:00

I'm drink! I love debates.

To the best, most entertaining debate thus far of my lifeeeee!

NFL Week Four - The Results

2008-09-29T13:57:00.003-04:00

Week Four Byes: DET (0-3), IND (1-2), MIA (1-2), NYG (3-0), SEA (1-2)

Sunday:
ATL (2-1) @ CAR (2-1): L - ATL; M - CAR
CLE (0-3) @ CIN (0-3): L - CLE; M - CIN
HOU (0-2) @ JAC (1-2) : L - JAC; M - JAC
DEN (3-0) @ KC (0-3): L - DEN; M - DEN
SF (2-1) @ NO (1-2): L - SF; M - NO
ARI (2-1) @ NYJ (1-2): L - NYJ; M - NYJ
GB (2-1) @ TB (2-1): L - TB; M - GB
MIN (1-2) @ TEN (3-0): L - TEN; M - TEN
SD (1-2) @ OAK (1-2): L - OAK; M - SD
BUF (3-0) @ STL (0-3): L - BUF; M - BUF
WAS (2-1) @ DAL (3-0): L - DAL; M - DAL

Sunday night:
PHI (2-1) @ CHI (1-2): L - CHI; M - PHI

Monday night:
BAL (2-0) @ PIT (2-1): L - BAL; M - PIT

Week Four Results:
Lauren - 7 - 6
Mark - 8 - 5

Adoption

2008-09-27T15:49:00.001-04:00

NFL Week Four

2008-09-27T11:41:00.005-04:00

I would walk 1,446 miles, and I would walk 1,446 more... (or, The Tale of a Daddy's Girl)

2008-09-25T17:33:00.004-04:00

Hm, not quite as catchy... Mom sent out the official "Texas Jim" email earlier today, meaning that everyone within the family now has Dad's new work email, phone number, and address. Because I'm a visual person, and because I'm curious about Daddy living in a state in which I've only ever laid-over, I Google-mapped it. The result was staggering.

He now lives in Grapevine, Texas. I'll put aside my shock at a town being called "Grapevine" for a moment to inform the general public that upon writing that first sentence, I put quotations around "living." Ah, hope springs eternal. Now, what was I saying? Yes, yes... GRAPEVINE!?

Okay, whatever. It's Texas. (Disclaimer: I've met quite a few nice people from Texas, and yes I do want to visit there someday, but... there's something about it that New Yorkers/northerners/East Coasters were just taught to dislike. Sorry.) So I mapped it, and upon zooming in a half-dozen times, I found out that it looks like every other apartment community in the U.S.: parking spaces, dull grey roofs, woods strategically placed around the perimeter, winding roads... blah.

Then, out of what can only be described as sheer self-loathing (hindsight is 20/20!), I mapped the directions from my humble abode to my father's spankin-new abode.

The total trip is 1,446 miles.

With the exception of two, er, THREE vacations totaling 4 weeks of my 22 years as his daughter, I have never been more than 400 miles away from Dad. Four hundred! Not one thousand four hundred and forty six! That's an extra one thousand and forty six! Not! Cool!

After my initial shock, I perused the directions... 95 to 495 to 66 to 81 to... oy vey. If I decided (out of more sheer self-loathing, apparently) to drive, this trip would take me from Delaware through Maryland through Virginia through Tennessee through Arkansas to Texas. I could also, or alternately, drive through West Virginia, Kentucky, Missouri, Mississippi, and/or Oklahoma. I would be on I-40 for 374 miles, and I-30 for 309. I would be driving for 22 hours and 16 minutes.

My Dad is now that far away.

I <3 Drew.

2008-09-25T10:24:00.002-04:00

http://www.superpoop.com/092508/american-financial-system.jpg

NFL Week Three - The Results

2008-09-23T09:30:00.001-04:00

Sunday:
KC @ ATL: L- ATL; M- ATL
OAK @ BUF: L-BUF; M- BUF
TB @ CHI: L- CHI; M- CHI
CAR @ MIN: L- MIN; M- CAR
MIA @ NE: L- NE; M- NE
CIN @ NYG: L- NYG; M- NYG
HOU @ TEN: L- TEN; M- TEN
ARI @ WAS: L- ARI; M- ARI
NO @ DEN: L- DEN; M- NO
DET @ SF: L- SF; M- DET
STL @ SEA: L- STL; M- SEA
CLE @ BAL: L- BAL; M- BAL
JAC @ IND: L- IND; M- IND
PIT @ PHI: L- PIT; M- PIT

Sunday night:
DAL @ GB: L- GB; M- DAL

Monday night:
NYJ @ SD: L- NYJ; M- SD

Yikes. Very heavily yikes. See, this is what picking at random because you haven't gone over the matches yet does to you...
Week Three Results:
Lauren - 8-8
Mark - 8-8

Welcome back.

2008-09-22T13:22:00.003-04:00

It's no secret that I love The West Wing. Like, love love. So Mark sent me this link, and my heart be stilled... I think Obama's parts could have been a little bit better (more WW-esque), but overall, the effect is "wow." Linked here, and copied below.

From The New York Times OpEd pages
By Maureen Dowd

Aaron Sorkin Conjures a Meeting of Obama and Bartlet

Now that he’s finally fired up on the soup-line economy, Barack Obama knows he can’t fade out again. He was eager to talk privately to a Democratic ex-president who could offer more fatherly wisdom — not to mention a surreptitious smoke — and less fraternal rivalry. I called the “West Wing” creator Aaron Sorkin (yes, truly) to get a read-out of the meeting. This is what he wrote:

BARACK OBAMA knocks on the front door of a 300-year-old New Hampshire farmhouse while his Secret Service detail waits in the driveway. The door opens and OBAMA is standing face to face with former President JED BARTLET.

BARTLET Senator.

OBAMA Mr. President.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a Lancôme rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

BARTLET leads OBAMA into his study.

BARTLET That was a hell of a convention.

OBAMA Thank you, I was proud of it.

BARTLET I meant the Republicans. The Us versus Them-a-thon. As a Democrat I was surprised to learn that I don’t like small towns, God, people with jobs or America. I’ve been a little out of touch but is there a mandate that the vice president be skilled at field dressing a moose —

OBAMA Look —

BARTLET — and selling Air Force Two on eBay?

OBAMA Joke all you want, Mr. President, but it worked.

BARTLET Imagine my surprise. What can I do for you, kid?

OBAMA I’m interested in your advice.

BARTLET I can’t give it to you.

OBAMA Why not?

BARTLET I’m supporting McCain.

OBAMA Why?

BARTLET He’s promised to eradicate evil and that was always on my “to do” list.

OBAMA O.K. —

BARTLET And he’s surrounded himself, I think, with the best possible team to get us out of an economic crisis. Why, Sarah Palin just said Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” Can you spot the error in that statement?

OBAMA Yes, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren’t funded by taxpayers.

BARTLET Well, at least they are now. Kind of reminds you of the time Bush said that Social Security wasn’t a government program. He was only off by a little — Social Security is the largest government program.

OBAMA I appreciate your sense of humor, sir, but I really could use your advice.

BARTLET Well, it seems to me your problem is a lot like the problem I had twice.

OBAMA Which was?

BARTLET A huge number of Americans thought I thought I was superior to them.

OBAMA And?

BARTLET I was.

OBAMA I mean, how did you overcome that?

BARTLET I won’t lie to you, being fictional was a big advantage.

OBAMA What do you mean?

BARTLET I’m a fictional president. You’re dreaming right now, Senator.

OBAMA I’m asleep?

BARTLET Yes, and you’re losing a ton of white women.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET I mean tons.

OBAMA I understand.

BARTLET I didn’t even think there were that many white women.

OBAMA I see the numbers, sir. What do they want from me?

BARTLET I’ve been married to a white woman for 40 years and I still don’t know what she wants from me.

OBAMA How did you do it?

BARTLET Well, I say I’m sorry a lot.

OBAMA I don’t mean your marriage, sir. I mean how did you get America on your side?

BARTLET There again, I didn’t have to be president of America, I just had to be president of the people who watched “The West Wing.”

OBAMA That would make it easier.

BARTLET You’d do very well on NBC. Thursday nights in the old “ER” time slot with “30 Rock” as your lead-in, you’d get seven, seven-five in the demo with a 20, 22 share — you’d be selling $450,000 minutes.

OBAMA What the hell does that mean?

BARTLET TV talk. I thought you’d be interested.

OBAMA I’m not. They pivoted off the argument that I was inexperienced to the criticism that I’m — wait for it — the Messiah, who, by the way, was a community organizer. When I speak I try to lead with inspiration and aptitude. How is that a liability?

BARTLET Because the idea of American exceptionalism doesn’t extend to Americans being exceptional. If you excelled academically and are able to casually use 690 SAT words then you might as well have the press shoot video of you giving the finger to the Statue of Liberty while the Dixie Chicks sing the University of the Taliban fight song. The people who want English to be the official language of the United States are uncomfortable with their leaders being fluent in it.

OBAMA You’re saying race doesn’t have anything to do with it?

BARTLET I wouldn’t go that far. Brains made me look arrogant but they make you look uppity. Plus, if you had a black daughter —

OBAMA I have two.

BARTLET — who was 17 and pregnant and unmarried and the father was a teenager hoping to launch a rap career with “Thug Life” inked across his chest, you’d come in fifth behind Bob Barr, Ralph Nader and a ficus.

OBAMA You’re not cheering me up.

BARTLET Is that what you came here for?

OBAMA No, but it wouldn’t kill you.

BARTLET Have you tried doing a two-hour special or a really good Christmas show?

OBAMA Sir —

BARTLET Hang on. Home run. Right here. Is there any chance you could get Michelle pregnant before the fall sweeps?

OBAMA The problem is we can’t appear angry. Bush called us the angry left. Did you see anyone in Denver who was angry?

BARTLET Well ... let me think. ...We went to war against the wrong country, Osama bin Laden just celebrated his seventh anniversary of not being caught either dead or alive, my family’s less safe than it was eight years ago, we’ve lost trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, thousands of lives and we lost an entire city due to bad weather. So, you know ... I’m a little angry.

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

OBAMA Good to get that off your chest?

BARTLET Am I keeping you from something?

OBAMA Well, it’s not as if I didn’t know all of that and it took you like 20 minutes to say.

BARTLET I know, I have a problem, but admitting it is the first step.

OBAMA What’s the second step?

BARTLET I don’t care.

OBAMA So what about hope? Chuck it for outrage and put-downs?

BARTLET No. You’re elite, you can do both. Four weeks ago you had the best week of your campaign, followed — granted, inexplicably — by the worst week of your campaign. And you’re still in a statistical dead heat. You’re a 47-year-old black man with a foreign-sounding name who went to Harvard and thinks devotion to your country and lapel pins aren’t the same thing and you’re in a statistical tie with a war hero and a Cinemax heroine. To these aged eyes, Senator, that’s what progress looks like. You guys got four debates. Get out of my house and go back to work.

OBAMA Wait, what is it you always used to say? When you hit a bump on the show and your people were down and frustrated? You’d give them a pep talk and then you’d always end it with something. What was it ...?

BARTLET “Break’s over.”

Daddy

2008-09-21T18:20:00.000-04:00

Part of my heart is on his way to Texas... I miss him already.

NFL Week Three

2008-09-21T13:05:00.004-04:00

Posting from my parents' house (soon to be simply Mom's house) in Northern Virginia... leaving to take Dad to the airport at 15:00, so I'll miss most of the action. I am definitely not as prepared this week as I normally am, but here we go anyway...

KC @ ATL: L- ATL; M- ATL
OAK @ BUF: L-BUF; M- BUF
TB @ CHI: L- CHI; M- CHI
CAR @ MIN: L- MIN; M- CAR
MIA @ NE: L- NE; M- NE
CIN @ NYG: L- NYG; M- NYG
HOU @ TEN: L- TEN; M- TEN
ARI @ WAS: L- ARI; M- ARI
NO @ DEN: L- DEN; M- NO
DET @ SF: L- SF; M- DET
STL @ SEA: L- STL; M- SEA
CLE @ BAL: L- BAL; M- BAL
JAC @ IND: L- IND; M- IND
PIT @ PHI: L- PIT; M- PIT
DAL @ GB: L- GB; M- DAL
NYJ @ SD: L- NYJ; M- SD

NFL Week Two - The Results

2008-09-16T00:02:00.000-04:00

New York Giants at St. Louis
Mark - Giants
Lauren - Giants

New Orleans at Washington, D.C.
Mark - No'lans
Lauren - New Orleans

Chicago at Carolina
Mark - Chi-town
Lauren - Chicago

Tennessee at Cincinnati
Mark - Cincy
Lauren - Tennessee

Indianapolis at Minnesota
Mark - Indy
Lauren - Indy

Oakland at Kansas City
Mark - KC
Lauren - Oakland

Buffalo at Jacksonville
Mark - Jax
Lauren - Buffalo

Green Bay at Detroit
Mark - Green Bay
Lauren - Green Bay

San Francisco at Seattle
Mark - Seattle
Lauren - San Fran

Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Mark - Hotlanta
Lauren - Tampa Bay

Miami at Arizona
Mark - Miami
Lauren - Arizona

San Diego at Denver
Mark - San Diego
Lauren - Denver

New England at New York Jets
Mark - Jets
Lauren - Jets

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Mark - Blitzburgh
Lauren - Pittsburgh

Philadelphia at Dallas
Mark - conscientiously objecting to both (Dallas, but ideally I'd like to see a tie)
Lauren - Dallas

Baltimore-Houston game has been postponed.

Complete NFL Week Two Results
Mark - 5 - 10
Lauren - 12 - 3

NFL Week Two

2008-09-13T17:43:00.000-04:00

Mark attempts to redeem himself by essentially picking the exact opposite of me this week...

New York Giants at St. Louis
Mark - Giants
Lauren - Giants

New Orleans at Washington, D.C.
Mark - No'lans
Lauren - New Orleans

Chicago at Carolina
Mark - Chi-town
Lauren - Chicago

Tennessee at Cincinnati
Mark - Cincy
Lauren - Tennessee

Indianapolis at Minnesota
Mark - Indy
Lauren - Indy

Oakland at Kansas City
Mark - KC
Lauren - Oakland

Buffalo at Jacksonville
Mark - Jax
Lauren - Buffalo

Green Bay at Detroit
Mark - Green Bay
Lauren - Green Bay

San Francisco at Seattle
Mark - Seattle
Lauren - San Fran

Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Mark - Hotlanta
Lauren - Tampa Bay

Miami at Arizona
Mark - Miami
Lauren - Arizona

San Diego at Denver
Mark - San Diego
Lauren - Denver

New England at New York Jets
Mark - Jets
Lauren - Jets

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Mark - Blitzburgh
Lauren - Pittsburgh

Philadelphia at Dallas
Mark - conscientiously objecting to both (Dallas, but ideally I'd like to see a tie)
Lauren - Dallas

Baltimore at Houston (if it's played)
Mark - Baltimore (Go Joe Flacco!)
Lauren - Balt'mo

NFL Week One - The Results

2008-09-08T11:59:00.000-04:00

Thursday Night
Obviously, we both picked the Giants over the stupid Redskins, because we're both Giants fans. So that's done.

Sunday Afternoon
Seattle at Buffalo
Mark - Seattle
Lauren - Seattle

Tampa Bay at New Orleans
Mark - New Orleans
Lauren - New Orleans

New York Jets at Miami
Mark - Miami
Lauren - New York

Houston at Pittsburgh
Mark - Pittsburgh
Lauren - Pittsburgh

Jacksonville at Tennessee
Mark - Jacksonville
Lauren - Tennessee

Detroit at Atlanta
Mark - Detroit
Lauren - Detroit

Kansas City at New England
Mark - New England
Lauren - New England

Cincinnati at Baltimore
Mark - Baltimore
Lauren - Baltimore

St. Louis at Philadelphia
Mark - Philly (he says begrudgingly)
Lauren - St. Louis (only because I cannot pick the Eagles, on principle)

Arizona at San Francisco
Mark - 'Zona
Lauren - SF

Carolina at San Diego
Mark - San Diego
Lauren - Carolina

Dallas at Cleveland
Mark - Dallas
Lauren - Dallas

Sunday Night
Chicago at Indianapolis
Mark - Indianapolis
Lauren - Indy
(Who saw that coming!?)

Monday Night
Minnesota at Green Bay
Mark - Minnesota
Lauren - Green Bay

Denver at Oakland
Mark - Denver
Lauren - Denver

Week One Results...
Mark - 9-7, Lauren - 11-5

An Ode to Sunday

2008-09-07T13:04:00.000-04:00

I love Sundays in autumn. I don't care that it's not technically autumn yet - Football = Nice Autumn Sundays. Like today: beautiful blue sky, comfortable weather, football on TV, sitting around in pajamas, cleaning up a little bit, and doing random things to waste time. Like this:

It's awesome.

NFL Week One

2008-09-07T10:00:00.000-04:00

Our football picks for week one! I'll update at the end of it all to see who was right and who was wrong. :)
Oh, btw, I <3 Michael Strahan. Seriously, he's awesome. (And wtf did Jillian Barberie do to herself? Ugh.)
Ok... FOOTBALL!!

Thursday Night
Obviously, we both picked the Giants over the stupid Redskins, because we're both Giants fans. So that's done.

Sunday Afternoon
Seattle at Buffalo
Mark - Seattle
Lauren - Seattle

Tampa Bay at New Orleans
Mark - New Orleans
Lauren - New Orleans

New York Jets at Miami
Mark - Miami
Lauren - New York

Houston at Pittsburgh
Mark - Pittsburgh
Lauren - Pittsburgh

Jacksonville at Tennessee
Mark - Jacksonville
Lauren - Tennessee

Detroit at Atlanta
Mark - Detroit
Lauren - Detroit

Kansas City at New England
Mark - New England
Lauren - New England

Cincinnati at Baltimore
Mark - Baltimore
Lauren - Baltimore

St. Louis at Philadelphia
Mark - Philly (he says begrudgingly)
Lauren - St. Louis (only because I cannot pick the Eagles, on principle)

Arizona at San Francisco
Mark - 'Zona
Lauren - SF

Carolina at San Diego
Mark - San Diego
Lauren - Carolina

Dallas at Cleveland
Mark - Dallas
Lauren - Dallas

Sunday Night
Chicago at Indianapolis
Mark - Indianapolis
Lauren - Indy

Monday Night
Minnesota at Green Bay
Mark - Minnesota
Lauren - Green Bay

Denver at Oakland
Mark - Denver
Lauren - Denver

don't think it makes you a hero.

2008-09-06T22:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a gloriously productive week. We bought a lot of stuff that we needed - printer, wireless router, painting supplies, flowers, candles - and we got most of it set up. So why are the bedroom and the living room still such a mess!? Ack.

I've talked to Dad three times today. During the first call, I found out that Kathy was apparently throwing a birthday party for Stevie this weekend and invited Mom and Dad. Of course they couldn't make it, but Dad told me to call Kathy and invite myself. Second call was to find out Kathy's number, which is on my old phone. She didn't answer, but texted me about an hour later saying that the party was today, but it was short because of the tornadoes and floods in the area. She said that we would get together next weekend.

Then I tried to call Grandma at St Johnsland, but somehow got the wrong Grandma on the phone. Luckily that phone call only lasted for a minute, because I realised that this Grandma was, in fact, not my Grandma when she dismally answered "Normal" to the usual "How are you feeling?" Third call was to find out why the hell I'm last on the information totem pole in this family - not really, but that's how I felt. Mom gave me Grandma's new direct line, told me that there was a "mass text message," and also that Boo was going to call me. Funny how none of that happened. I called Grandma, and Aunt Doreen answered and told me that Grandma was not feeling well, and could I please call back later.

The single thing that I hate most about "growing up" is that no one seems to care about anyone else anymore. I'm slightly guilty of it, too: I get too caught up in accounting homework or cleaning the apartment, I forget to call. But I can't really remember the last time that anyone but Dad or Grandma actually cared about what I was telling them. Now Dad's all caught up in the Texas deal and Grandma's worried about her rehab - both completely understandable, justifiable reasons to be busy.

I don't know, maybe it's because I'm not great at keeping in touch.

All I know is that I miss them.

The Smoke-Free Argument : a position paper

2008-09-02T21:33:00.000-04:00

For this semester's Macroeconomics class, we have a "discussion board" assignment. We're to use the discussion (message) board on BlackBoard to participate in debates of various economic stripes. Of the twenty-three threads, seven were about high gas prices, and three caught my eye. One was on tuition prices, one on health care, and one on smoke-free dining.

This particular question read: "With the economy problems recently: gas prices rising, food prices bouncing up and down, people are trying everything they can to save a little money. This has been leading to people staying away from spending money by eating out in restaurants. So with the drop of customers as is...why have a lot of counties, and even whole states, made all restaurants non-smoking, leading to even fewer customers in some cases? "

I can't honestly say why I got so heated by the smoke-free debate, but something caught on and I immediately pulled up my trusty friend, Google, to start in on some research. What I found was astounding. Not only is second-hand smoke bad, it's really, really, really bad. Like, lions and tigers and bears bad. Like, the nightmare where the laws have changed and somehow W got into office for a third time bad. Like, hide your wives and children bad.

And somehow my wonderfully young classmates remain blissfully unaware of these facts, all because they don't see the harm in smoking indoors, and they don't want to be forced to go outside - what a freakin' nightmare!

I'm not going to re-post the three posts before mine, mostly because they're horrendous in every way possible and I don't want to look at them again. Suffice it to say that only one person had made a sort-of good argument, in that constant smoking breaks take away from productivity. What that had to do with the original question, I'm not sure. Every other post had something to do with personal preference and a complete disregard for public health.

Below is my answer to this particular debate. Please note when reading that this is an online discussion, not a paper (despite its length), and therefore go easy on me about proper citations and whatnot - all links are included in the bottom. Please comment if you have anything to say!

The original question asked why “a lot of counties, even whole states, made a lot of restaurants non-smoking, leading to even fewer customers in some cases?”

Well, the short answer is this: Smoking hurts people. Not only does it hurt the people who choose to light up their cigarettes, but it hurts the people around those people, and the children of those people, and the husbands, wives, friends, and lovers of those people. Everyone in this country is exposed to second-hand smoke. There is no “safe” level of exposure to second-hand smoke, and there is no existing ventilation system that can effectively “clean” second-hand smoke. It is completely unfair to force people to be around smoke if they don’t specifically choose to be. "The debate is over. The science is clear: Secondhand smoke is not a mere annoyance, but a serious health hazard," said former U.S. Surgeon General Richard Carmona.

The effects of second-hand smoke have been heavily researched and are well-documented. According to Surgeon General Carmona, "The toxins from cigarette smoke go everywhere the blood flows.” Diseases caused by smoking can strike anywhere from the lungs and heart to the bladder, kidneys, pancreas, and stomach. Second-hand smoke is especially harmful to children under eight years old, and being trapped in a room (such as a restaurant) with second-hand smoke is far more harmful than passing a puff on a street corner. People in the restaurant industry care very much about bringing in customers, but in many cases, those people (owners, hosts, waiters, cooks, etc.) are at risk themselves for second-hand smoke exposure.

One of the arguments is that “smokers are people too.” I agree with this argument, and I do not vote to diminish the rights of any smokers – as long as they do not infringe on the rights of any non-smoker. This is because smoking hurts people. Say a person is in a restaurant that allows smoking. This person decides that they can’t sit through their 60- or 90-minute meal without a cigarette, so they light up. Immediately, the smoke from that cigarette filters through the smoking section, up to the ceiling, into the ventilation system, through the vents, and through the entire restaurant. Imagine every smoker in that section lighting up. On the other side of the restaurant is a girl who is asthmatic, or a couple with their two-year-old daughter, or a pregnant woman, or a college guy – should any of them have to suffer the proven, researched, documented effects of second-hand smoke just because someone else wants to sit there and smoke? Absolutely not. They are free to their right to a healthy public environment – more free than any smoker is to their right to smoke, for this simple fact: the non-smoker's right does not harm a single person, whereas the smoker’s does. If a smoker decides to take part in this particular “addiction of choice,” they can go ahead, and harm themselves. But they need to go outside so that they don’t harm others.

In reality, the question itself does not have a sound base. Besides the reasoning for the smoke-free argument, which began over a decade ago and therefore has little to do with the country's recent economy, it relies on the argument that restaurants are losing customers and losing revenue because of smoking bans. When smoking bans were first introduced, the laws had many critics. First and foremost of the critics were those in the tobacco industry, and I’m sure I don’t need to review their reasons for opposing a smoking ban. The restaurant industry also had concerns at the beginning, namely with the possibility of lost revenue.

There have been countless studies done of the effects of smoking bans – any elementary Google search with the keywords “smoking ban” or “smoke-free” would turn up the research. Everything has been covered: the health effects of second-hand smoke; the economic effect of sicknesses developed from second-hand smoke; the differences in revenue of the hospitality industry (including restaurants, bars, and hotels) both before and after smoking bans were enacted; the differences in revenue of alcoholic beverage tax both before and after smoking bans were enacted; the community response to smoking bans; the efficiency of various ventilation systems; and many, many other points. There have even been studies to determine the validity of other studies. All-told, this is what the research says:

second-hand smoke is extremely harmful to everyone, and there is no “safe” level of exposure;
most studies came to the same conclusion: that enacting smoking bans had no adverse economic effect on the hospitality industry; and
the few studies that came to the conclusion that smoking bans did have an adverse economic effect on the hospitality industry were commissioned and funded by tobacco companies.

In my research on this topic, I came across information stating that NYC’s hospitality industry actually benefited from the bans, because tourism went up! A gentleman by the name of Michael O’Neal, who was president of the New York Restaurant Association and worked in the restaurant industry for 35 years, has said “I feel strongly that it is pro-business and pro-health to eliminate smoking in all workplaces, including restaurants. Smoke-free workplace legislation does not hurt business.” I lived in New York City for four years, and I never saw any adverse effect of smoking bans on the hospitality industry. Friends of mine would gladly step out of restaurants and bars, off to the sidewalk, to have their cigarettes. Other friends who worked in restaurants and bars mentioned that they benefited from the cleaner air they were breathing.

Smoking bans have been enacted in many counties and states – and they should continue to be enacted until the entire U.S. is clean – because of the simple fact that smoking hurts people. Every medical study done on the subject enforces that fact. According to the Medical College of Wisconsin, quoting the Surgeon General’s 2006 report on smoking and health, “The economic toll [of smoking] exceeds $157 billion each year in the United States - $75 billion in direct medical costs and $82 billion in lost productivity.”

It sure seems to me that the adverse economic effects of smoking far outweigh any perceived adverse economic effects of laws banning smoking in public places.

_________________________________________
For anyone who is interested in my sources, here are some links:

This collection of links, maintained by Michigan's Center for Social Gerontology, offers many U.S. issues, as well as an international look at the smoke-free debate. http://www.tcsg.org/sfelp/economic.htm

This study reviews many other studies done on smoking bans, their validity and results, and the overall findings. http://www.tobaccoscam.ucsf.edu/pdf/hyland.ppt

This Discovery Channel article features some interesting findings of second-hand smoke research, as backed up by a former U.S. Surgeon General. http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2006/06/28/secondhandsmoke_hea.html?category=health

"ha, ha, i don't understand what's happening!"

2008-08-21T20:10:00.000-04:00

i just watched nick symmonds fade out of the 800m, and that was incredibly disheartening.

anyway, onto the happy... a million awesome things are happening this autumn. including one awesome thing which was preliminarily finalized today, but about which i'm not allowed to speak... yet!!

on the work front, the necessary transformation is well underway. i'm really happy about that.

i'm super-excited about the office coming back!! and about it's always sunny in philadelphia, although i am still awed by the vulgarity in that show. jeez.

ok, more olympic-watching now!

(talk about disjointed, jeez.)

6,288'

2008-08-19T14:27:00.000-04:00

on august 9th 2008, i hiked up a 6,288-foot mountain with these fine people.
(l-r: mark, me, lisa, scott, susannah, curt, kate, julie, curt)

torn

2008-08-19T13:31:00.000-04:00

i'm debating whether or not to call grandma - i don't know if she's sleeping or who's visiting her. i still don't know whether coming back home was a good idea. i feel like i should've been there when she woke up in recovery.

i hate being home sick. not that i really need to be anywhere, except for volunteering this morning and at lunch with mark, ingrid, and ingrid's boyfriend this afternoon. i'm not sure if it's just a cold or something worse - i walked home in the rain on thursday, but ellie had bronchitis and i could've gotten something from her. oh well.

so i'm here, sick, attempting to do work. it's not working so well. i think i just blew my nose for the millionth time this morning.

mark keeps on scurrying around the house after me, picking up the tissues that i throw on the floor, the coffee table, the windowsill. i guess i'm a pretty rotten roommate. i should take the time to explain to him that this is just my way of being sick. when i get better, i pick up all the tissues and throw them away. it's like a ceremony. but he'd still follow me around picking them up.

i keep telling him to stay away, because he's going to get sick too. "i have a strong immune system," he says. no, you don't. gowway. no avail. ah.

yesterday he did a huge food shopping for me, which was really nice. i think i need to become a better roommate, and a better girlfriend too. i've been slacking off on a lot of things, mostly because of justified reasons, like sickness or work or family stuff, but it's really no excuse. so i guess that's the plan.

oh and also to write. and to wake up at a decent hour. and to get this damn apartment together.

oy.

darkness

2008-08-12T20:50:00.000-04:00

have you ever been so wrapped up in what you were doing (be it surfing the internet, watching eddie izzard videos on youtube, reading old journals, daydreaming about your boyfriend) that the sun went down and your apartment got pitch-black... without you even realizing it?

i do that entirely too often.

and considering that i am scared of the dark (yes, a twenty-two year-old girl who's scared of the dark!) and i don't at all like being alone in this apartment at night... yeah.

i should stop doing that.

now: a crate&barrel catalogue, a sprite, and the olympics. later: marky comes home, something for dinner, two episodes of the office, and the re-aired season finale of my boys. and some work.

what's so great about this house?

2008-07-20T18:02:00.000-04:00

thomas just said that - i swear there's something wrong with him sometimes. what's so great about this house? everything! every time i'm here, i look around in wonder at the home we've created. it's 2008 - we moved here june 1, 1998. ten years of memories, here in this home. each painted wall, clothed table, polished chair, soft pillow... this house is amazing. i think i'm going to take pictures of it next time i'm here.

i'm going back home tonight or tomorrow. i miss mark.

chapter two: changes

2008-07-17T22:33:00.000-04:00

some changes are happening, and i think i need to go home for a few days.

life's surprises

2008-07-16T20:13:00.000-04:00

my ex-friend is having a baby. well, he's not having a baby. his girlfriend is having a baby. this is weird.

i don't know how to explain how, exactly... we stopped talking months ago. it had been a slow crawl toward disaster from the beginning.

i think we met at cold stone. i had taken to going there with a girl friend and her friends from the academy. at the time, i lived only a few miles down the boulevard, and i desperately needed the company. she and i had known each other since we were thirteen or fourteen, and we finally had time to see each other and catch up. sometimes i drove out there, sometimes i took the train. she would always show up with a hoard of guys, maybe a few girls. one time he was in there with two other guys. they remarked on something about me being irish - i can't remember if i was trading tattoo stories with a friend or wearing a shirt from ireland. all-in-all, it wasn't remarkable.

the memory meeting came after ring dance - he had to check out of his hotel room, so he came to stash his stuff in ours. another of the girls introduced us briefly, but we were more concerned about ditching him and navigating the confusing hotel to find our friends for a lunch date. a lunch date at a place that only took cash, it turned out. i ran across ninth avenue to an ATM, and on the way back i caught him on the corner. "hey, aren't you... ?" after a smile and a reintroduction, he was off with our group for the rest of the day.

of course, the endless trade of facebook pictures, comments, friendings, etc., followed the ring dance like normal for any computer-savvy twenty-something these days, but his stuck with me. we got to talking more often, and even hung out. i went on board sometimes to visit with him - the two of us scampering around, climbing up roofs and into the chapel and laughing. i became an honorary member of the academy's dance team, making trips on board twice, three times a week, for long practices and routines.

i was glad for the friendship, and wasn't aware of anything more.

tom was the apple of my eye, a graduate of the academy who was then at flight school in florida. he remembered tom, and didn't like him. i would sometimes vent to him, which i know now wasn't fair to do, but most of the time he just allowed me to have fun and take my mind off of the poison apple. i visited tom in florida, once, and i called him while tom flew a kite on the beach. he was surprised to hear from me, and immediately picked up on my disappointment in the success of the trip.

he told me that he loved me the week i got back, and i told him that it had to stop.

the next month was a torrid affair of break-up and make-up for my doomed relationship, and he was annoyed that i didn't tell him when i broke it off for good, finally. his best friend cornered me on the street during an all-academy celebration at a bar. i was drunk and i made something up about recovering from the breakup.

really it was that i didn't like him at all. i couldn't. we talked and laughed and had good times together, but there was nothing there for me. honestly i thought i was dead inside, killed by tom, but that wasn't it. in a matter of weeks, i had fallen smitten for another guy at the academy, a fellow dancer and friend.

within a month, i met mark - the man i will marry. i never again thought of the many male distractions, but half-tried to maintain the friendly facade i'd cultivated with my friend. things remained rocky for a few weeks. proposals were made and denied, late-night love confessions thrown aside, and when the embers of my desperation-driven cigarettes burned out, our friendship had failed.

recently, i thought again of him. i asked mark what he thought of a friendly email, just to check on him. the academy class had graduated, all were off to jobs. i had given up contact with many of them after the debauchery of last year, but i still wondered. the email was too friendly, ostensibly happy and not nearly as solemn as it should have been. he wrote back today, saying that he is fine - "life is wonderful." i know his content tone, and yet he only used periods in his writing. he will be sailing for a company this fall, and he is expecting his baby girl in mid-september.

my mouth hung open as i pointed to the screen and sat back to let mark read the message. "mid-september? must've knocked her up in january, then." mark wanted to know why i seemed upset. it's just... i asked him how he would feel if he found out that one of his friends was expecting - surprised, no? he assented but his eyes were still questioning.

the girl is from his hometown. i vaguely remember some old photos of parties after we'd stopped talking, before we finally gave up. i also remember his catholic virginity, his free spirit, his desire to sail tours in alaska for little pay and more adventure. she's pretty, the girl. dark hair and a solid smile, tan skin and short for him. they look happy enough in his photo, though she's not wearing his hat.

a baby girl? him? ohh... i don't know how to feel about it.

"wish it were you? jealous?" mark's snide jealousy cut through my thoughts, and i looked up at him, surprised. no, and no. it wouldn't've been me, any way you look at it.

we used to share with each other our thoughts, our hopes. once, we sat on the roof of the boathouse on board, right on the edge of the long island sound. the orange-lit dark sky with all its airplanes above us, small ships out before us, a bridge or two and so many people in the distance. i was fearless in his eyes and he was comforted in mine. we stayed there all night.

i wanted to be in the academy, he wanted to be at a liberal arts college studying writing. we were opposites and jokingly argued, but we were kindred in so many ways. he encouraged me to rise up out of the rut and place myself firmly in the clouds again.

i've made huge changes in my life since i lost my friend, and i wish he could see, understand, that he had something to do with my motivation to do so.

i want to know where he went. i didn't deserve his friendship, because i didn't know what to do with it. but i want to know where that dreamer went. i want to know if he'll pass that along to his daughter - if he ever took his girlfriend up to the boat house, if he still talks the same way he used to. i want to know if he still reads and writes, what his hometown is like, and why he's sailing merchant vessels in the fall.

i want to know what happened to my friend, and i'm afraid that i had a hand in what's become of him.

chapter one: le petit mori

2008-07-15T19:41:00.000-04:00

chapter one: le petit mori
mark and i have been very, very bad at unpacking this place. rather, i should really say that i have been very, very bad at unpacking, because nearly all of the roughly opened overflowing boxes in the sweltering attic are, in fact, mine.

today i'm on assignment: i'm supposed to finish up the second drafts of one chapter and one whole manual. i'm a bit peeved at my team, because i received feedback from only three people out of twelve. and yet, who's going to throw a fit when a particular point isn't addressed perfectly? those other nine.

whichever way, this afternoon i happened to be up in said sweltering attic looking for a printer cable. yep, i, the glorious goddess of packratness, managed somehow in the jump from new york to delaware to lose the one-and-only cable for my one-and-only printer. good job. i lost count of how many dead things i found tanning themselves on top of box flaps, i hit my head more than i'd like to admit, and i think i let cancer seep successfully in through the soles of my feet. and i didn't find the printer cable.

but i did find my old address book, three ziploc bags of pencils and markers and pens, and a blue notebook.

i used to have a thing for blue notebooks. in high school, i had a thick five-subject bright blue notebook that contained all of my deepest thoughts, lurid fantasies, wannabe song lyrics, and hate lists. all the boys in our group wanted into that notebook, and no one ever got it. now it's in one of the boxes in the attic - the ripped front covered with duct tape and permanent marker designs.

this blue notebook is a lot thinner, a small 70-sheeter. it was bright blue at some point, but now it is all scratched up - blue, black, and white. on the inside cover, written in blue marker that matches exactly to the color that the cover was:
CALCULUS
MW 10-11:40 ~ NAC 6/114
Prof Kaminetzky
ah, yes, that old failed calculus course. that one class might have been what got me into this whole mess in the first place, come to realise. the rest of the notebook holds clues to the rest of the trouble: a class schedule, a written copy of a course syllabus, scribbled notes to friends, assignments, doodles, notes from at least three different courses... this is it. the beginning of the end.

on the fourth page, written carefully at the top in the painstaking script dad grilled into me:

Obituary assignment:
Obituaries let the public know, remember
- any age you want to be
- who you were
- what you did
- where you lived/ were born
- write about self in past tense
- use creative process (column, article, front-page, etc.)

oh, oh, the hopeful, glad, happy obituary assignment!

some of my classmates lamented that this, this horrible professor, this horrible assignment. how dare she make us think about death - about our own death! well, peers, you're in a 300-level death in renaissance course, but all practicality aside, it's not that macabre. this is our chance, our dream, our hope! we can make ourselves whatever we want to be! we can take that self outside of the darkness of our brain, the emptiness of thought; take it into the brightness of day, the lines of page! we can invent ourselves again with all the promise we squandered!

three pages later, in furious half-script, lies the draft of my obituary: long-hand math in the margins to figure out "my" age; scribbles through proposed marital surnames; arrows here and there to indicate a frenetic order; bullet points for "married" "children" "grandchildren" along with names.

ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a hopeful, glad, happy obituary. "obituary, due 29 august 2007," we hardly knew you. you were scribbled on a half-torn-out page of a blue notebook, familiar only to your author. a heavy blue star adorns part of you, laden with a note to check the NYT obits. you were used and abused to reflect the foolishly ideal life of your author, but you knew better. you knew that you were more intelligent, more telling, than the crisp white printed paper your author gave to her professor. you were more deserving of the prominent check-plus in purple ink on the page, knowing what you know now. your author looks at you now with laughing eyes, how could she have been so silly then. "then," not even a year hence. obituary, thank you for your faithful, proving, true service. thank you for proving her wrong. amen.