torn

i'm debating whether or not to call grandma - i don't know if she's sleeping or who's visiting her. i still don't know whether coming back home was a good idea. i feel like i should've been there when she woke up in recovery.

i hate being home sick. not that i really need to be anywhere, except for volunteering this morning and at lunch with mark, ingrid, and ingrid's boyfriend this afternoon. i'm not sure if it's just a cold or something worse - i walked home in the rain on thursday, but ellie had bronchitis and i could've gotten something from her. oh well.

so i'm here, sick, attempting to do work. it's not working so well. i think i just blew my nose for the millionth time this morning.

mark keeps on scurrying around the house after me, picking up the tissues that i throw on the floor, the coffee table, the windowsill. i guess i'm a pretty rotten roommate. i should take the time to explain to him that this is just my way of being sick. when i get better, i pick up all the tissues and throw them away. it's like a ceremony. but he'd still follow me around picking them up.

i keep telling him to stay away, because he's going to get sick too. "i have a strong immune system," he says. no, you don't. gowway. no avail. ah.

yesterday he did a huge food shopping for me, which was really nice. i think i need to become a better roommate, and a better girlfriend too. i've been slacking off on a lot of things, mostly because of justified reasons, like sickness or work or family stuff, but it's really no excuse. so i guess that's the plan.

oh and also to write. and to wake up at a decent hour. and to get this damn apartment together.

oy.